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In 2010 “The Simpsons” show created a chapter describing the visit of the Simpsons, Flanders, and Crusty the Clown to Israel.

Their tour guide (“Jacob”) was played by hillarious Sasha Baron Cohen – and the result is indeed hillarious!.

Unfortunately the chapter is not available on “Youtube”, but parts of it are available here –


If you think you remember that chapter well, try to answer the following questions:

Q. What did Homer think of the idea of joining a tour to the Holy Land (four insights).

  • “Take my family to a war zone”
  • “On a bus filled with religious lamoes”;
  • “In a country with no pork”
  • “In a desert with no Casinos!”


Q. What else did Flanders want to experience in the Holy Land:

“I also want to try something called Pitah Bread”


Q. What is the English level of Jacob the Tour guide in his own opinion?

“You may notice I speak the English with a slight accent. This is because, as you probably guess, I use to live in London, and that is why I sound like Hugh Grant”


Q. Why was tour guide Jacob in a rush?

“We finish early we go to Jewelry store owned by my cousin. No joke, It’s true. Great Prices. You have to haggle otherwise they don’t respect you”


Q. What are the safety tips according to Tour Guide Jacob?

“What are you talking about? Israel is the safest country in the World!. The only danger here is dehydration. Drink Water. Don’t die. It looks bad on me”


Q. How did tour guide Jacob call for people to move?

“Come on. Shut your face. Let’s go”


Q. What is the meaning of the word “Shalom” according to Marge?

“Shalom is the aloha of the this place”


Q. Why was tour guide Jacob upset with Marge?

“Ok, ok Lady. You don’t talk enough?. Who is licensed tour guide here? You or me?” 


Q. What did the group miss because of Marge according to tour guide Jacob?

[expand A.]

“Now everybody we have no time to see Masada. Everybody died there, for nothing!” 


Q. What happened in the Old city of Jerusalem according to Flanders?

“The Old City!. Where BC turned into AD!”


Q. What did Homer insist on seeing before the “Stations of the Cross?”

“After we see the Stations of the Omlet Bar!” 


Q. What was Jesus according to Tour Guide Jacob?

“A Native born Israeli.. Sandals. Circumcised. Perfect English accent. The Whole deal”


Q. What did the group miss because of “Mr. Listen for free”?

“Ok. That’s it!. No Armenian Quarter!. Forget it!. It’s gone!. All thanks to Mr. Listen from Free!”.


Q. What did Homer want to order from the top of Mt. Zion?

“I’d like a large falafel with peperoni sausages and extra cheese. Yes I know what a falafel is!” 


Q. What are the two definitions of “Krav Maga” (“Israeli Karate”) according to Dorit?

  • “Less Hajiyaaa, more HAJYAAAA!” 
  • “No groin. No Krav Maga!” 


Q. Why couldn’t the “Transformers” fight in the movie?

“We can’t transform on the Shabbath!. Let us power down and contemplate the Torah!” 


Q. What did Marge want to verify when Homer declared he is the Messiah?

“You still have our passports right?”


Q. How did Homer restrict the Doctor before addressing Marge?

“But look not upon her with lust; and do not send her friendly emails. That’s how it begins” 


Q. Why are Israeli people pushy according to tour guide Jacob?

“How about you experience a couple of genocides and see how laid back you are. We were perished from Spain. Thrown out of there. They allow everybody in Spain, but for us, Jews, no flamenco, get out. I’m pushy? Please, you, stay there surrounded by your great enemy – Canada. Try Syria, for two months, then we’ll see whose pushy!” 


Q. What was the name of the religion that Homer wanted create?



Q. What would be its main moto?

“Peace and Chicken!”


Q. What was the main complaint of Tour Guide Jacob at the end of the show?

“No Tapas!. I love it in Tapas!. I love the tiny portions. You don’t get too full but you have a whole variety of flavors. Not For me. Every day Hummus and Pitah. Occasionally, once a week, a little bit of Falafel”.


Extra bonus question: What parking tickets did Crusty the clown ask God to revoke at the Western Wall?

“A-six-four-seven-two-five; S-P-nine-zero-three-two-five; Shelbyville nine-three-two-eight-seven-one”.

  • [No way you remembered that too! :-)]


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